Sharp

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Bee It is illogical to obsess over things that cannot change.

These things are me. Nerdy Weird The future

Wednesday, June 30, 2010,11:08 AM

Wherein I learn to fall out of love

I hate everything. And I'm just angry. And hurt. Why are things so complicated? Long story short, Dair and I broke up and he's super nice and supportive and shit for a few days, now he's being a jerk and getting mad at me for no reason. What am I supposed to do? I don't ever bounce back within a week. My mind doesn't work that way. But I don't want to lose the best friend I've ever had in my life. I'm just upset because I want everything to go back to normal, as in how it used to be before we dated. No weird awkward feelings, no jealousy, just hanging out, having a good time and being ok in myself instead of feeling like ripping my skin off and running away, and not feeling like I'm doing something wrong in being sad and upset.

The only compulsion I'm getting is to start rebounding ASAP, and doing stuff with Phil casually like he suggested, or going a different route and finding someone else entirely. The only way I can stop liking someone is to start liking someone else. If I did that, would everything go back to normal? Would I love being around my best friend again? Or should I grin and bear it and wait?

Labels: dair, fail, guh, life, love

Tuesday, June 1, 2010,10:57 PM

Glee and how it affects Bee's psyche

When I watch Glee, I see so much of myself in Rachel. I see who I used to be, the girl who went primadonna on Smitty (my choir director) for not giving me the Outstanding Soprano award, and who was so self assured in her talent, and still kind of is. I graduated high school then went to college to be a choir teacher. I love performance. If I could get paid to be in choir for the rest of my life I would die happy. People come up to me to this day from my old church and tell me to come back just to sing, and I almost want to. Then I got told by my piano teacher that I should drop piano. I started failing Theory because I quit showing up due to the then soon to be ex-fiancee. I quit my dream for someone else and what do I have to show for it? A crappy deadend job where people treat me like crap. If there was any way right now for me to pay off the 800$ I owed to the school, I'd go. I'd say fuck the Air Force and just go to school. That's truly what I want with every inch of my soul. Watching Glee just reminds me of that, so so much.

Labels: future, glee, life, love, music

Monday, May 17, 2010,9:10 PM

Hey you.

I'm proud of you. Keep trying. We'll get to 140 by the end of June. Especially with the boyfriend gone for two weeks. ;w;

Labels: goals, life, wooot

Sunday, May 16, 2010,11:57 PM

Dearest Bee,

I'm not going to insult you. We're trying to get past that. I'm writing to remind you that you have goals, important life changing ones. Of course, this one in particular that you're going through is life changing in it's own way, but also has an expiration date. Dair is leaving at the end of the year. What will you do? Become the NM version of Sarah? I think not, my love. We need to keep going, to keep pressing, to push ourself. Work out more than just the bike. Do crunches. You have tons of good food in the house. Healthy food. Don't gorge yourself. Learn to control your hunger instead of letting it control you. Clean your room, your beloved room that you're losing in a week. Stay active. Above all else, love yourself for loving others. Love the man you have with all of your soul till it is time to let go. Please let yourself out of this rut.

Labels: goals, life, love

Thursday, April 22, 2010,8:45 AM

Memorize!

Enlisted Ranks

Airman Tier

Airman Basic (AB) (E-1) has no rank insignia	Airman (Amn) (E-2)	Airman First Class (A1C) (E-3)	Senior Airman (SrA) (E-4)
NCO Tier

Staff Sergeant (SSgt) (E-5)	Technical Sergeant (TSgt) (E-6)
Senior NCO Tier

Master Sergeant (MSgt) (E-7)	First Sergeant

Senior Master Sergeant (SMSgt) (E-8)	First Sergeant

Chief Master Sergeant (CMSgt) (E-9)	First Sergeant	Command Chief Master Sgt. (CCM)	Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force (CMSAF)

Officer Ranks

Company Grade Officers

Second Lieutenant (2nd Lt) (O-1)	First Lieutenant (1st Lt) (O-2)	Captain (Capt) (O-3)
Field Grade Officers

Major (Maj) (O-4)	Lieutenant Colonel (Lt Col) (O-5)	Colonel (Col) (O-6)
General Officers

Brigadier General (Brig Gen) (O-7)	Major General (Maj Gen) (O-8)	Lieutenant General (Lt Gen) (O-9)	General (Gen) (O-10)